Finding true friends is not easy. Especially in times of crisis, such as the coronavirus pandemic, it is not child’s play to acquire new social contacts. We then focus more on our old friends and acquaintances. Still, it’s not impossible to make new true friends either. You can find out how this can be done in this article.
A friend, a good friend, that’s the best thing in the world.
A friend is always a friend, even when the whole world falls apart.
In 1930 Heinz Rühmann and Co. sang in the film “The Three from the Filling Station”. Friends who get through crises together, can rely on each other and have fun together – that’s the stuff of many television and cinema series. Young people say having good friends who accept you is their number one priority.
A friendship is like a good partnership: it needs to grow and be nurtured. 20 tips will help you to meet new people and to find and keep real friends.
What is Friendship?
Films about ideal friendships may trigger longing and envy in you because you have always wished for a strong and inseparable friendship all your life. Very understandable, because the really important things in life aren’t things. Good relationships with people you enjoy being with are important. This creates real friendships in which you know that you can rely on each other, that you are there for each other – in good times and in bad – and that you can trust each other and support each other.
Anyone who has no friends and suffers from them is probably wondering why they have no friends.
There’s only one way to make friends: to be one yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Why Can’t I Make Friends?
Several reasons play a role when we don’t have friendships. We have to differentiate between whether you have never had friendships or whether you just don’t have any friends at the moment.
People who currently have no friends:
A breakup, a change of job, or a move to another city can mean that we lose our friends or at least can no longer do anything spontaneously with them. Even death can tear a gap in our circle of friends. Being positive about ourselves and being able to cultivate and maintain friendships cannot protect us from feeling lonely and isolated. With the experience of having already had close friends, however, we find it easier to approach new people.
People who never had friends:
If you’ve never had boyfriends or girlfriends, then chances are the lack of friendships has something to do with your outlook on life. Reasons can be, for example:
01. You have negative attitudes towards yourself, such as believing that you are not interesting or lovable and that you have nothing to offer. We don’t approach others for fear of rejection.
02. You have experienced many hurts and hurts in your life and you are afraid of being hurt again. Therefore you avoid close relationships.
03. You choose the wrong strategy, for example, searching in the wrong places where people who could be interested in us don’t frequent.
04. You lack the knowledge and skills to approach others and make connections, for example, you lack Small Talk techniques.
05. The people we choose to be “Best Friends” are out of our reach because what we have to offer doesn’t match what they’re looking for.
06. You place too high expectations on others and therefore do not find people who meet your expectations.
07. We expect that when others want something from us, they have to reach out to us.
08. When others approach us, we don’t think they are really interested in us and want us as friends. That’s how we scare away possible friends.
09. We give up too easily. If the other person isn’t immediately enthusiastic about us and always wants to be with us, then we conclude that he doesn’t like us.
10. We react overly sensitively, feel hurt easily, and withdraw offended.
11. We generally have a negative attitude towards other people, believing, for example, that others only want to take advantage of us or deceive us.
12. We are not willing to open up and trust others. We come across as arrogant, dominant, cynical, or uninterested in a deeper relationship with others. This repels others.
13. We lack social competence; for example, we haven’t learned to handle our emotions appropriately, empathize with others, and resolve conflicts. That’s why others withdraw from us before a close friendship can develop.
From this list, we can see that there are two main reasons why we don’t have friends and unable to start new friendships:
- A negative attitude towards ourselves
- A negative attitude towards other people
But we can eliminate these negative attitudes and give ourselves the chance to find and build friendships.
How to Make New Friends and Maintain Friendships?
A friendship is like a partnership. We cannot force them. Friendships need to grow. At the beginning of a friendship, there is sympathy, our willingness to trust and to open up. Sometimes we have to step up front, and sometimes the first step comes from our future friend.
A friend is someone who knows everything about you and still loves you
Elbert Hubbard
If you haven’t had any friendships before, it’s important to first analyze what are the reasons.
Ask yourself:
01. “What has so far prevented me from making contact with others?” “What am I afraid of?” “What am I missing?”
02. “Why have my previous relationships failed?”
03. “What do I need to develop a close friendship with another person?”
It could be helpful for you to ask a trusted family member about how you come across to others. Sometimes, we are unaware of certain traits or qualities that might come across as off-putting to others.
If you’ve figured out why you haven’t had friendships so far, then consider how you can address these causes. Strengthen your self-confidence, overcome the fear of rejection, or learn conversation strategies like small talk techniques, for example.
20 Valuable Tips on How to Find New Friends and Maintain Your Friendships
If you take the following tips to heart, it will be easier for you to approach people, establish contact, and ultimately make and maintain friendships.
01. Get active and socialize
Find places or events that you are interested in. You will meet new like-minded people there, and you most likely already have an interest in this topic in common. Common interests are a good starting point for an acquaintance that can develop into a friendship.Â
Dating sites are also a promising way of finding like-minded people and making friends. Searching for a partner on dating portals doesn’t have to be about finding a partner for life.
02. Look for people with whom you feel comfortable spontaneously
Sympathy and a good feeling are the first positive signs of a beginning friendship. However, this may or may not necessarily lead to a close friendship. Some people already have enough friends and only seek pleasant encounters.
Others may have had bad experiences with friendships and are therefore cautious and hesitant.
It’s important not to fight for the friendship of people who criticize and want to change you. You will meet other people who respect and accept you for who you are.
03. Don’t change yourself just to make a good impression on the other person
You can’t keep up your facade forever, not to mention that it takes a lot of effort to pretend you’re someone you’re not.
04. Treat others the way you want to be treated
Be honest, kind, respectful, and fair to others. This way, you are more likely to attract the people you’d like to have as friends.
Building a deep friendship takes time and effort. Of course, the desire for a friendship should come from both you and your acquaintance.
If the first law of friendship is that it has to be cultivated, the second law is to be indulgent when the first law has been neglected.
Voltaire
05. Treat your friend with respect and acceptance.
Respect and acceptance are the key criteria for a friendship. You don’t always have to agree – in fact, just going along with everything is detrimental – but your friend should feel that their perspective and feelings are accepted. They think, feel, and act according to their life story.
06. Take time for your friends and keep them updated about your life
To maintain a friendship, you need to take time for it. If you can’t meet in person, then call, email, use messenger services, or even better, have video calls.
07. Plan activities together
Friendship lives through common activities and interests or at least the exchange of them. You can also strengthen your friendship by discovering something new and exciting with your friend that you both enjoy.
08. Support your friend in a hard times
Your personal interests must then be put aside. You have to be willing to listen or identify what your friend needs right now. On the other hand, you must also take care of yourself and communicate with them when you’re reaching your limits.
09. Forgive your friend’s small mistakes and weaknesses
At any given moment, your friend can only behave as he is– capable of. He has his own life experiences, his expectations, his feelings – and they don’t always have to coincide with yours.Â
So be forgiving and understanding, even if you may have different views.
10. Listen to your friend
Listen attentively to him, without interrupting him immediately or overwhelming him with smart advice. Try to empathize with his situation, understand his perspective, and empathize with his feelings. Ask follow-up questions and summarize what you have understood.
11. Don’t hesitate to give praise and recognition
Praise your friend for specific qualities or behaviors. You probably know from yourself how good it feels to receive praise or a compliment, and how much more motivated you are afterwards. Consider compliments as a gift you give to the other person, and let them decide if they want to accept your gift.
12. Show your gratitude to your friends from time to time
Don’t take his friendship for granted. Small gestures or a message of gratitude can make your friend feel important to you.
He might feel particularly appreciated if you think of him on specific occasions, such as getting him a concert ticket for his favorite band.
13. Openly discuss your wishes and needs
Your friend is not a mind reader. Secretly expecting him to already know what you need and fulfill it puts you in a victim role.
14. Don’t break promises
If you are unsure, for example, if you can keep an appointment, it’s better to say so right away. It’s better than promising something you can’t keep.
15. Â Be loyal to your friend
Keep secrets that your boyfriend confides in you. Don’t talk bad about him behind his back.
16. Express your opinion and feelings in a non-hurtful way
It’s important to be open and honest with your friend. Don’t maintain fake faces just to avoid hurting them or causing conflict. If you bend yourself out of shape just to preserve the friendship, you’re at least damaging the friendship within yourself.
17. Allow closeness
Open up and talk about intimacies, weaknesses, hurts, and disappointments after some time of getting to know each other. This makes you likable and creates closeness.
18. Admit your mistakes openly and apologize.
You cannot undo your misbehavior, but often it’s enough to apologize sincerely for it. This creates the foundation to rebuild the trust in your friendship.
19. Maintain a balance between giving and receiving
Every friendship thrives on a balance of mutual giving and receiving. While strong friendships can endure temporary imbalances, if one person consistently gives more than the other, it can undermine the foundation of the friendship and even lead to its end.
20. Be brave and end the friendship if you no longer feel good about it
Even if you apply many of the tips mentioned above, it’s possible for your friendship to end – suddenly due to a significant breach of trust, or gradually as your life circumstances develop in different directions. This is also a part of life.
People, relationships, and friendships change. We travel a part of the journey together, but then we evolve differently, and the friendship may no longer fit.
In such cases, there are two options: Either we accept the separation and cherish the beautiful shared memories, or we work on the friendship and try to reconnect and restore the old familiarity.
