Whether the breakup was your choice or not, dealing with your breakup is a difficult time. And that’s not surprising, because you’re suddenly on your own again. All kinds of emotions pass in review during this time; powerlessness, anger, and pain usually predominate. Dealing with the breakup works differently for everyone. Your character, past experiences, and your social environment have a great influence on this. In addition, these tips can help you to look at the bright side of life again and get your life back on the right track.
Healing with a breakup
I’ll get straight to the point: dealing with a relationship breakup takes time. There are a lot of things that need to be fixed when you break up with your ex. You have to deal with your heartbreak. You have to build new patterns without him/her. You have to learn to let go of your ex.
It’s good to know that you go through different phases during a breakup. These phases are part of it. Going through all these phases will help you to completely let go of your ex and ultimately be able to move on without your ex in a pleasant way.
A breakup or divorce is a tough experience, so getting back on track doesn’t just happen. Here are steps that can help you accept what happened and slowly, step by step, start enjoying your life again.
#01. Accept your breakup. It’s normal for you to be sad, anxious, and full of doubts
Every time you get dumped, you’re emotionally hurt and you don’t know what you’re doing anymore. First of all, you have to understand that the nasty, sad feelings are part of it. Something that you thought you could rely on has been taken away from you. So doubt, anxiety, anger, and sadness are normal. Your brain reacts strongly to such negative events. You want the unpleasant feeling to stop as quickly as possible.
But controlling your emotions is very difficult. Sometimes you think that you need to feel good again and be cheerful. But there is no on-and-off switch for your feelings. The first step to recovery is to accept that you can feel miserable regularly. You get flashbacks and you start to miss your ex. The most important thing now is to make sure you don’t do anything strange.
Such as drinking a lot, spending money, or arguing with other people. This can only make you feel worse after it happens. Being sad after a breakup is normal, but it shouldn’t last too long of course. You will have to move on and forgiveness is an important part of that.
#02. Take care of your broken heart and your body through sleep
You feel stressed and think about nothing but the last few weeks. Then you forget to take care of yourself, which can cause you to end up in an even worse spiral. According to many experts, the basis for getting over your breakup lies in sleep.
But how do you fall asleep if your mind is occupied with your heartbreak all day? Writing down your worries and feelings on a piece of paper about an hour before you go to sleep has been proven to have a positive effect on reducing worry.
Don’t forget that you have the choice to worry, it doesn’t feel like it, but you can quickly train yourself to worry less. So agree that you will no longer be able to worry after 9 p.m. when you have put your thoughts on paper. This works, not the first day, but slowly it gets better.
Sleep will help you to get up on time, eat healthily, relax your mind, and engage in more activities. It also softens the edges of your pain and helps you look forward. Sleeping is, therefore, extremely important.
#03. Take Good Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself is crucial emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Heartbreak can make people ill. While each person’s experience is unique, there are general approaches that can help almost everyone, such as maintaining a healthy diet, regular exercise, walking, seeking social support, and developing strategies for coping with physical pain.
Try to be patient, gentle, loving, and giving to yourself. It may be helpful to know that the pain of a broken relationship is not solely emotional; research indicates that individuals may also experience physical symptoms during periods of loss.
#04. Forgive yourself and your ex and learn from the broken relationship
If you notice that your emotions are less intense, the next tip to get over your heartbreak is to forgive your ex and yourself. It could very well be that you have been cheated on or that you have not received what was promised by him or her. This feeling of injustice keeps you stuck in the past and ensures that you do not look forward but remain stuck in your past. Your life is short and it will be another year soon, so you must leave it behind in a different way. Thinking about the past doesn’t change anything, you will never be proven right anyway. Read more about how to win your ex back here.
Forgiveness is about understanding that your ex thought or felt that the choice he or she made was the best in that situation. You may have become a victim of that and that is very bad. It’s just the choice of a person you love or a person you don’t want to be with. For that reason, you will have to accept that choice, no matter how stupid and bad it is.
If you often think about yourself: “But why was I so stupid to get into this relationship?” or “I should have listened more carefully and paid attention to signals from my loved one.” Then you are angry with yourself and you will also have to learn to forgive yourself to move on with your life.
If you have that anger now and then, that can be a good thing. Regrets are normal, you just have to move on, so it’s always good to make peace with yourself.
Look at how you have contributed to the good things in the relationship. Take responsibility for your mistakes and realize that you also made those choices because you thought it was best for you. We often feel that we are unfairly angry with ourselves because we now have the extra knowledge and experience. Hindsight is looking a bull in the ass and that’s easy. People make choices because they think it is best at that moment. You did that too, but you have now learned that a different choice was better. The learning moment has therefore undeniably occurred. This is something positive that you can take with you.
#05. It Wasn’t Just A Dream Relationship. Look critically at your past
This is a hard lesson to learn. We’ve all been there with relationships, friendships, family, and even at work, right? People make all kinds of promises to you, and people share all kinds of dreams with you and build up so much hope (albeit with good intentions), but be careful not to confuse what is potentially on the horizon with what is actually in front of you. Often our dream/illusion of someone is what keeps us there.
A very useful exercise for me was to write down the love and relationship I dreamed of and then list the love and relationship I experienced. This took an hour but was well worth it.
The two can be very different, and that doesn’t mean progress can’t be made and promises can’t be kept. However, I do know that the next time I invest my love in someone, I will make sure to distinguish between their words and their actions.
Sometimes the person in front of you just can’t show up in the way you deserve, sometimes they convince you that they will and sometimes they even convince themselves. Words should not be taken lightly and should always be backed up with actions.
Be honest. It may also be that you had unrealistic expectations of your ex and that they did not match reality.
#06. Romantic love often exposes unhealed childhood wounds
Do you ever feel like you’re choosing the same kind of guy or woman over and over again? Do you find yourself going around in circles, dotting the i’s and crossing the i’s in your romantic encounters and thinking…this can’t be a coincidence, can it? Often it isn’t!
I’ve been reading so much lately about why even though you know a relationship isn’t good for you and doesn’t bring out the best in you. You still crave it and want it. I love my ex, I do, but we got into some toxic cycles and I knew we were both bringing some unresolved wounds to the table. Diving into what I brought to the table has taken me on the most powerful healing journey and I thank the relationship endlessly for exposing these wounds.
We often attract partners or friends based on our unconscious belief system, the system we created in childhood. The beliefs that most of us don’t even know we have. Here’s the thing, we were all raised with a certain kind of love from our primary caregivers and that love has shaped the love we accept. Even though we often know in our heads that our relationship is not healthy, on some level the love feels familiar and we accept it anyway. Even when it’s bad.
By recreating these relationships, we unconsciously attempt to resolve childhood trauma and give our inner child what it craves, although ultimately by continuing to look for these people who resemble our primary caregivers, we are looking in the wrong place. It is not your partner’s job to mend your wounds. If your partner is on a healing journey with you, you can figure it out together, but you must take responsibility for your wounds.
If you find yourself in a relationship dynamic that you know is not good or healthy, it’s time to heal. You can seek support from a therapist or trauma-experienced counselor to help dig into your inner child’s work.
Getting over your previous relationship
Some people can completely lose themselves in a relationship and sacrifice their entire lives for that love. This is usually due to a lack of self-confidence or fears such as fear of rejection, being alone, or not being liked, which determine their behavior. As a result, they start doing things that do not suit them and stop doing everything they enjoy. Of course, a relationship is a give-and-take and one that you have to continue to choose for yourself. This is especially the case when making friends and continuing to see friends from the past. This keeps you on your toes and ensures that you get out of this relationship now and then.
When you break up, it is also an opportunity to do new things be yourself, and discover what you want. Take the time to accept your grief and forgive your ex and yourself. Then you can focus on doing fun things.
You can only take responsibility for your heartbreak
In life and love, the only thing we can take care of and change is ourselves. Fact. We cannot change other people’s thoughts and we cannot change other people’s journeys, no matter how hard we try. I also learned the hard way on this point.
I very easily fall into the role of caregiver and can end up taking on the responsibility of caring for other people a little too much. That’s not always a bad thing, but when the person you’re caring for isn’t taking care of themselves, it can be exhausting. I took on a lot of responsibility in my recent relationship and it sucked every bit of energy in my body, to the point that I got sick. Ultimately, if the person doesn’t take action to change themselves, no amount of love or care from you will keep them on a lasting healing journey.
As a partner in a relationship, you can only ever offer love and support. Wanting to change someone and not accepting them for who they are and where they are is an extremely unhealthy dynamic and it’s not fair to either of you.
Are you dating or getting back together with your ex?
A rebound relationship is not a relationship that starts soon after a break-up. It is a relationship that starts to distract you from the loneliness and feelings about your ex. This can be very soon after you are single again, but it can also be a year later. So don’t fool yourself.
It may also be that you know that you no longer think about your ex with emotions. Then it is best to start a new relationship. Try to learn from your previous relationships. If you fall for the wrong types, try to be stronger and wiser than your feelings. If you have made mistakes yourself, try to prevent them by living your own life or finding peace.
It’s the same with starting a relationship again with your ex. That can go well. You need to get over your heartbreak and learn from your mistakes. It will have to be a different relationship with the same person. For this, it is better to take 30 days to keep some distance and come to your senses.
Many experience the emotional pain of a relationship ending, perhaps even several times in their lives. If you believe in films and books, it is easy to pick yourself up after a broken heart: Either the “happy endings” show a couple getting back together, or someone getting into a better relationship.
In real life, relationship problems are not usually solved within an hour or two like in a movie and the stories do not always have such a neat ending.
When you’re trying to come to terms with the end of a relationship, overused platitudes, sayings, and clichés probably don’t help much. People may well mean it when they say, “It’s better to love and lose than to never have loved at all.” to have,” But as advice for learning to deal with your depressive feelings, it is not very practical.
Healing from heartbreak is not the same for everyone. It may even be the case that heartbreak for the same person is not the same every time throughout their life, but varies from relationship to relationship.
No one can tell you exactly how long it will take to heal, but there are a few ways you can turn the process of mending a broken heart into an opportunity to learn more about your wants and needs.
In the long run, you can use those insights to develop and strengthen yourself. The growth you experience will help you navigate both the next relationship and the relationship you have with yourself.
Dealing with heartbreak
Realize that it is okay to allow yourself to grieve immediately after the end of a relationship. You don’t have to jump into problem-solving mode right away, if you do, you haven’t allowed yourself to fully personalize your feelings, which can make the process longer and more difficult.
At first, try to resist the urge to isolate yourself. Sadness, guilt, confusion, and other intense feelings can overwhelm you. Reach out to people who care about you. You will need the support of your family and a good friend to come to terms with the changes in your life.
When you’re ready to take the next step, here are some do’s and don’ts to guide you through the healing process.
Don’t let your negative patterns dominate you
Try not to see your breakup as a failure. Instead, see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. 2 It doesn’t matter if it was your first relationship or if you’ve had many of them. Everyone, whether you’re 15 or 50, can get to know themselves better and work on improving their relationship skills.
You may be very angry about the relationship, including the way it ended. It may even be tempting to “get revenge” on your ex or fantasize about disrupting or disrupting his life, including new relationships.
Remember that hurting someone else will not lessen your pain. You’ll probably feel worse, and time doesn’t heal all wounds if you stay active about it.
The parts that feel the most painful will lead you to your healing
I knew breaking up was the right thing for us, but that didn’t make it any less painful. My challenge was to sit with the difficult feelings and let them reveal flaws and vulnerabilities in my belief system. For example, when I felt intense sadness, I would ask myself questions like ‘What am I afraid of here? What beliefs lie beneath this feeling? I walked away from something that wasn’t good for me so what’s in my way now’.
And my answers were my biggest indicators of work. These were the areas I needed to send love, breath, and healing…
“What if I never love like that again?” “Wasn’t I worth it?” ‘Am I unlovable?’ ‘Why wasn’t my love enough?’ ‘Am I too much?’
The next time you feel overwhelmed, pay attention to what thoughts are going through your mind. What’s going on beneath the surface? Be honest with yourself, it’s the only way.
Don’t get stuck in the past & negative patterns
We all tend to look back on our lives with “rose-colored glasses.” Through these “rose-colored glasses” you do not want to see the problems, you only focus on the good (which you will probably miss).
Sometimes it feels like both good and bad memories are repeating endlessly in your mind. These bothersome thoughts can delay healing and be very painful.
It may be difficult but try not to lose perspective. No relationship was completely negative, just as none is perfect.
If you glorify the relationship or find yourself continuing to put your ex on a pedestal, it may mean you need to give yourself some emotional and perhaps even physical distance.
For example, you may find it difficult in the digital age not to “check-in” with your ex via social media. If you can’t resist the temptation, it might be time to unfriend your ex-lover or block their profile.
You cannot work on your healing if you are constantly tempted to be a part of their lives and think about both the past and a future that will never come.
If your ex is starting a new relationship, seeing their social media posts (even if they don’t always reflect reality) can bring back old positive feelings. It can also cause you to have doubts about unresolved aspects of your relationship.
Appreciate The Happy Memories
Even if your relationship ended in a fight, the entire relationship probably wasn’t worthless. Looking back on the good things is normal and you may miss certain aspects of your ex and the love you shared. 8
At the same time, you may feel overwhelmed by the void left by the end of the relationship or harbor resentment about the events that led to that end.
Working through these varying emotions is part of the healing process. Allow yourself to be grateful when you remember something pleasant – then let it go.
Don’t Ignore Your Needs
Being honest with yourself about your needs (especially those that are not being met) can be a painful process. You may feel that it would be easier and less painful to simply ignore them.
While it may feel better in the short term to “numb” yourself to the pain, it will only make it harder for you to heal in the long term. By pretending that you have no needs, you make it impossible for yourself to grow, both in your relationships with others and in your relationship with yourself.
Reevaluate Your Needs
The period after a breakup is a good time to think about your wants and needs in a romantic relationship. It can help to keep a journal or make lists.
Ask yourself questions like “Am I choosing partners who are incapable of having a loving and mature relationship? ” and “Did I hope that the other person would change or that I could change them?”
Admitting that your past relationship was unable to meet your needs can be painful. Taking the time to think about it honestly can be hard work, but if you do, you’ll be able to identify the qualities you want to see in a future partner.
Don’t enter into a “rebound” relationship
You may feel compelled to find a new romantic partner, but so-called “rebound” relationships make it impossible to process the previous relationship.
If you don’t take the time to reflect on a recently ended relationship, you may find yourself repeating patterns or making the same mistakes in a new relationship.
It can be difficult to break away from the old way of thinking and behaving, even if you know it’s not good for you. But recognition is the first step to change.
Go for it again when you’re ready
Sometimes people have difficulty being ‘single’ when they are used to being part of a couple. This can be especially true after a long-term relationship has ended.
If you’re having trouble finding yourself as a single person, try to keep in mind that your value comes from who you are, not the other person.
Being alone gives you the chance to focus on yourself – although this can be difficult if you are used to caring for others and often find that easier than thinking about your own needs.
Sometimes people who are not very confident in social situations feel more comfortable in social situations when they are part of a couple. Others may enjoy being social whether they are in a relationship or not, but they may not want to go out after a breakup.
The tendency to avoid social situations often stems from a mix of fear of seeing the ex-partner or bumping into an acquaintance who asks about the relationship, combined with wanting to avoid places, activities, and people that remind you of your ex.
Don’t try to isolate yourself. If you don’t feel like going out on a Friday night and would rather read a book at home, that’s fine, but if you want to meet others and just don’t want to be alone, ask a friend to come along.
What is Mindful Dating?
Although you don’t have to rush into it, as time goes by you may be able to open yourself up to a new relationship.
It can be scary to think about falling in love again – especially after being damaged – but try to remember that no matter how much heartbreak hurts, it means you’ve loved just as deeply.
When love finds you, you may not even be looking for a relationship, because it can show up in unexpected places. If you are looking more consciously, be open to meeting others when going out and choose places and activities that you enjoy.
Whether it’s a church group, sports team, or the local library, you’re more likely to make positive connections with others and form lasting relationships (whether as friends or romantic partners) in places where you feel comfortable and you can be yourself.
Forgive
Forgiving your ex may take time or may not be easy at all, especially if they hurt or cheated on you. It is important to keep in mind that forgiving someone does not mean condoning their hurtful behavior and actions.
Sometimes forgiveness doesn’t have much to do with the other person. Reaching the moment of forgiveness means permitting yourself to stop investing time and energy in a person and situation that is no longer good for you.
To heal a broken heart and move on with your life, you need to forgive someone else: yourself.
It may be easier to forgive your ex, but remember that the longest and most powerful relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. Whether you are single or in a relationship, you can always choose to change your behavior or shift your paradigm to avoid making the same mistakes, allow yourself to greet yourself, and continue to develop love for yourself.
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