The saying is as old as humanity itself: Make mistakes, but learn from them. We’ve all heard it in our lives, one way or another. Often, there’s some truth to it: Children who once made the mistake of touching a hot stove usually don’t do it a second time.
They’ve learned from their mistake. But how does it apply to our later lives? In adulthood and especially in the workplace, it seems more desirable to avoid making mistakes altogether or to hide our own mistakes well.
So, what’s the real value behind the phrase “learn from your own mistakes”? Let’s delve into the matter and explore why we might all need to appreciate our mistakes a bit more.
What is the mistake?
A mistake is a decision or action that we regret. It causes some degree of pain, loss, or conflict. Better put, a mistake is a consequence (that we don’t like) of a choice we make at a given moment, with all the knowledge we have at the time.
We make mistakes every day. They always provide an example of what not to do next time. Even if we deeply analyze all the options and are sure that we are making the right choice, we still will not always reach the desired or anticipated result.
Although the experiences are painful, from mistakes we learn, and have the opportunity to grow and refine our skills. However, we are afraid of making mistakes, avoid them, and often try to cover them up when they occur.
Most of the time, we see mistakes as problems and not a fundamental part of our learning and development process. By doing so, we avoid taking responsibility for our errors and therefore miss the chance to learn something new.
Shame, guilt, and failure
Often, the mistake is related to the notion of failure. Even society teaches us to feel shame and guilt for failure and demands that we do everything possible to avoid making mistakes.
These feelings of shame and guilt keep people away from their goals because they are simply not prepared to face the obstacles they will face on the road to progress.
The fear of being wrong limits our experiences and keeps us trapped in a comfort zone without challenges. The purpose of our life is to explore and develop.
This is how the world evolved: through trial and error. This is how children grow and develop. They cannot be creative if they fear failure.
Their experimentation, research, and discoveries are based on several wrong answers until the correct solution finally emerges. Think about how a child learns to speak: at first, he will slur his words or stutter when he wants to say it all at once. They do the same when they learn to walk.
About these children, no one will say that they failed. Their language or motor skills will gradually develop. Their success has not yet been achieved.
To refer to this process as a failure would be very destructive and overwhelming. And yet we adults do it. Maybe it’s time to learn from children the tenacity of not giving up, even after repeated mistakes.
Many times, out of fear of failure, we avoid exposure to new situations, and learning, censor our creativity, and forget to enjoy the path we are on.
How many more times do we play? How many times do we look with curiosity at a challenge? Often the first thought that comes to mind is “Am I making a fool of myself?” or “What will others say about me?”. And since our anticipations are often negative, we refuse to try.
The more open and flexible we are to new experiences and opportunities for growth, the less likely we are to fear failure. If we are terrified by the thought that we might be wrong, we miss the opportunity to live fully.
People who believe that a mistake is an opportunity for growth say, “When the going gets tough, I put in more effort.” or “If I make a mistake, I try to learn and figure out what I can do better next time.”
On the other hand, people who do not believe they can learn from their mistakes will not take advantage of these opportunities.
Famous Failures
What would the world look like today if researchers, scientists, explorers, etc., had given up after the first mistake, at the first failure?
Yes, when you expose yourself to the world through innovative ideas, and through the courage to do something different, chances are you will also receive negative feedback. When you express your creativity, you may not be appreciated right away.
Those who point the finger at you often feel great fear in the face of shame. They are not stronger or better, but only in the shadow when all the spotlight is on you. I recommend the book “The Courage to Be Vulnerable” by Brené Brown.
Thomas Edison‘s teachers are said to have said he was “too stupid to learn anything” and he was repeatedly fired for not being productive enough. As an inventor, Edison failed 1,000 times until he succeeded in inventing the light bulb. He could give up, right?
Agatha Christie wrote her first book at the age of 22 and was rejected by multiple publishers. The same happened with the next title. To this day, she remains one of the best-selling authors. Maybe because he didn’t give up after failure? The first volume of JK Rowling’s Harry Potter was rejected 12 times before publication, and by now we all know the little wizard.
In science, as in life, you go through many mistakes until you arrive at the right answer. Albert Einstein, one of the most publicized geniuses, made mistakes still debated by physicists today. Nikola Tesla, a scientist with poor business sense (compared to Edison) made resounding financial mistakes. But nevertheless, we know him for his scientific successes.
If we only relate to the mistake, we lose sight of the ultimate goal. Whether it is purely recreational (learning a new sport or game), relational (learning to communicate assertively, communicate my needs, be vulnerable ), or academic, to achieve a goal you must have the courage to make mistakes and not give up because of them.
The error culture in our society
How often have you asked yourself whether our practice of deliberately suppressing or avoiding mistakes might not be leading us down the wrong path? The representative study “Good Mistakes, Bad Mistakes,” which examined failure in the entrepreneurial environment, highlights a distorted attitude towards mistakes in the USA.
Americans generally have a relatively positive attitude towards failure: About 80% of respondents generally view failures in life as potential sources for self-reflection and personal development. However, around 12% of respondents, particularly when it comes to failure in the workplace, have a predominantly negative view of mistakes.
So, failure still has a somewhat negative connotation in many companies, even if only subtly. The consequences of this quickly become apparent: In an environment where employees are put under psychological pressure by colleagues and superiors due to the lack of a positive error culture, the message “don’t make mistakes” becomes ingrained in the subconscious over time.
However, the approach to handling mistakes is influenced even earlier: a negative connotation of error culture is visible in schools as well.
It starts with children who define a grade of 3 as a bad one, and it extends to parents who demand everything from their children – always under the premise that the little ones must never be prone to mistakes.
Errors and the act of making mistakes have become taboo.
Not learning from mistakes – The Consequences
The consequences of not learning from our mistakes can have a wide range of effects, from mild doubts or feelings of shame to severe disruptions.
- Our personality may not develop properly.
- We avoid challenging situations due to fear of consequences.
- Self-doubt undermines our self-esteem.
- Feelings of inferiority arise.
- Depression and other mental illnesses may develop.
Often, we don’t even realize or only realize too late how we influence our entire environment with strategies to avoid mistakes or the resulting negative emotions.
Children, for example, intuitively sense such dynamics and may adopt the same avoidance behaviors.
So, how can we avoid the negative approach to our mistakes and truly learn from them?
Learn from your mistakes – with the right strategy
The foundation for learning from our mistakes is first recognizing them as mistakes and then using them as opportunities.
Only then can we truly overcome a mistake in a sustainable way, according to the expert. It’s also important that we initially understand what mistakes and negative experiences do to us.
Negative experiences affect us
Everyone has failed at some point. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in your private life or in your professional life. These experiences do not pass us by without leaving a trace. Of course, at first, there is a feeling of disappointment, maybe even anger.
But failure and the resulting negative experiences do a lot more to us: Social psychology has found out in several studies and investigations that we humans react much more strongly to negative moments than to positive ones. These experiences affect us.
- physical
- cognitive
- emotional
You surely know this yourself: We tend to think about mistakes much longer than about the last positive moment. So, there’s potential in each of us to learn from our mistakes. However, how we handle them is a different story.
In this regard, our own ego plays a major role, according to experts. Our self-esteem determines how we deal with error feedback.
Research from the University of Chicago has shown that many people simply shut down after receiving negative feedback. This interrupts the processing in the brain, and the participants experience a bad feeling that they suppress. Therefore, we need strategies to separate our ego, or our overall self-worth, from individual mistakes.
Talk about mistakes
To learn from mistakes, it helps to talk about them. Only when we realize that every person is prone to making mistakes can the taboo be broken.
This can happen within the family, but also within a company. More and more startups and large companies in the US, for instance, organize events called “fuck-up nights.” These are gatherings where successful entrepreneurs openly share their past mistakes, and they are celebrated by the attendees.
This also provides the listeners with an opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others.
You can start with this within your family. An open culture that encourages discussing both small and significant mishaps, seemingly flawed traits, or negative experiences helps to destigmatize mistakes.
You might even realize that someone in your circle has made the same mistake before. Ultimately, all parties involved learn from their mistakes, and in the process, personal resilience is also nurtured.
Acknowledging mistakes in all areas and learning from them
Whether in the family, school, or workplace, if you want to learn from mistakes, you must first create space for them to occur. This requires us to allow errors and the act of making them in our society.
Some companies already embrace the attitude that mistakes are allowed. In kindergartens and schools, children should be given much more freedom to make mistakes.
Instead of having a negative judgment about mistakes, the approach could be:
01. Collaborative Problem-Solving: Educators don’t just provide solutions to errors; instead, they work together with the whole class to understand the problem.
02. Flipping Perspective: Those who have failed on multiple solution paths at least know how not to do it.
03. Incorporate Positive Error Analysis: Why did the mistake occur? What skills or knowledge were lacking?
By adopting these strategies, we shift the focus from punishment to learning and growth, creating an environment where mistakes are seen as opportunities for improvement.
Learn to Love Yourself
Another important aspect of our negative culture of mistakes is the “mistakes” of the individual personality.
But what does it actually mean when someone is “too loud”, “too impetuous”, “too pushy” etc.?
We are embedded in certain patterns by society. As children, we were always reminded that we had to be one way or the other. In many cases, this ensures that individual facets of their personality are suppressed because they do not fall into the social grid. We are simply afraid of not being recognized by society.
How can you get out of these patterns? First of all, you should focus on what you are good at. This will gradually change the way you see yourself. Dealing with yourself requires some strength and “tools”. For example:
01. Sports or activities like yoga or forest bathing that emphasize the body and sensory experience.
02. Time for yourself: Whether during a walk or meditation, it’s important to take time to engage with yourself.
03. Engage in creativity: Writing in a journal, painting, and drawing also encourages self-reflection.
These practices can help you become more in tune with yourself and develop a stronger sense of self-awareness, which is essential for breaking free from negative patterns and fostering personal growth.
This shift towards acknowledging personal mistakes and turning them into something positive has been increasingly observed in social media in recent years.
Influencers openly address issues and mistakes, influencing societal perspectives. However, be cautious, as the desire to learn from mistakes can also lead to stress.
Finding the right balance is essential, as is often the case in life.
